Tale of the Dragon's Wine, by Theodore Zacharia

Four months had passed since the marriage of Princess Angela and the carpenter Theo at the Royal Chapel in full splendour and ceremony. The peasants were very happy that Theo had killed the Evil Baron Van Merc and even happier that he was now marrying the Princess. They were a perfect match for each other. She was beautiful, elegant, cool, cultured and kind and he was good looking, rugged, hot blooded and for a peasant, quite intelligent.

One day in the court a passing traveller of great age told a story of a wonderful wine, over 5000 years old. The blood red wine was the most wonderful, delicious, sweet liquid every conceived of. Theo found it difficult to think of anything as sweet as a kiss from his beloved Angela but conceded that the wine may indeed be delectable.

There was a problem however, the wine was contained in a barrel which lay at the bottom of an ice cold pool, in a fierce dragon's cave, hidden deep in a mountain far away.

The dragon was a terrible foe with 3 fire breathing heads and if one was cut off it would grow back almost immediately. The only way to kill the dragon was to cut off all 3 of its heads at the same time, and this was almost impossible.

Princess Angela decided she must have some of this wine and so with a wave and a kiss she dispatched Theo to bring her some. It was a simple kiss but it meant all the world to Theo although he did think to himself that Princesses could be rather cool at times. After all he was going off to face dangers unknown and to fight against terrible foes to retrieve a prize for his beloved. She could have at least given him a longer hug.

'Princesses are all the same' said Theo to console himself, as if he knew more than one.

He set off on a horse, armed with the sharpest sword from the castle's armoury to fight the dragon and bring back some of the dragon's wine.

It was a frosty morning and he had been riding for 3 weeks fighting off various foes and dangers too numerous to mention here (but which can be found in the Royal Chronicles of the time) when finally he reached his journeys end, the dragons cave.

'Journeys end?' said Theo looking up at the narrator. 'What do you mean journeys end, journeys end is when I get back to my Princess, what do you know that I don't, let me see the end of the script.' protested Theo.

'Oh shut up you whinging little toe rag' answered the narrator.

''No, what do you mean END, I don't like that word, and who are you calling a whinging little toe rag, I'm a Prince.' replied Theo

'If you're a Prince then I'm the Queen of China. Just because some dumb brunette with a tiara marries you, you think that makes you a Prince you stupid extract from a peasant's extract!' said the narrator in a very hostile manner.

'Look mate, I killed the Baron' started Theo, pointing to himself enthusiastically

'Luck shot' interjected the narrator

'I killed the Baron' repeated Theo 'and the Princess married me, so I'm the boss here, RIGHT!'. Theo had wasted no time in acquiring the manners of a true high born!

'I don't know what she sees in you, she could have had anyone. Once the Baron had been dispatched by that lucky shot of yours'

'Bollocks' argued Theo (not a great one at arguing was our boy)

The narrator continued 'she should have married one of the Princes from the neighbouring lands, but oh no, you show up and spoil the whole show with your lowly birth and humble attire, disgusting I call it, fairy tales aren't what they used to be, with well dressed Princes risking life and limb against incredible odds.....'

Theo left the narrator to his reminiscing. Then said, 'I'm well dress', he looked at himself and noted he was in full armour ... 'and I'm a Prince, so what was that old fart on about?'

Chapter 2 - The Dragon's Cave

It was a bitterly cold morning and Theo shuddered a little from the chill. His metallic armour, cold in the morning mist gave little shelter from the biting winds that had forced their way through every nook and cranny earlier in the journey. Now in the forest the wind was almost motionless but the cold persisted.

Theo was in a small forest clearing when he saw the cave entrance he had been searching for. It was at the end of a large outcrop of rock and obviously led deep under the huge mountain that towered above, filling almost the whole sky in the small clearing.

Theo paused to contemplate on the journey that had brought him here and decided he could not fail now, not after all he'd been through, Princess Angela would have here wine. He suffered a slight pain and a sickly emptiness in his stomach. This always happened when he was thinking about Angela because he loved her so much that being away from her actually made him feel ill.

He dismounted his horse and tied it to a nearby tree. He took his sword off the saddle clipping the sheath to his belt. Theo looked up and wondered if he would see the Sun or Angela again. To not see the Sun again he could accept, but to lose his precious Princess would be unbearable. He had to stop thinking about her and focus his mind on the trials ahead.

Bravely he moved into the cave, silently, stealthily he moved forward, like a cat, his every step measured, controlled, precise. He was feeling very pleased with his self caution and quietly congratulated himself on his artfulness. Suddenly he slipped on a rock covered with a dewy moss and fell over rather heavily making an awful noise as he smashed onto the rocky ground. SMASH, CLANG.

He picked himself up and tried to compose his thoughts so that he would not make such a bad mistake again. Theo was sure that if he slipped near the dragon he would be barbecued hero in no time at all.

Chapter 3 - Deeper and Deeper

As Theo progressed deeper and deeper into the cave he noted that the temperature was dropping and that the light was fading. It surprised him that this was the first time he'd considered this and a shudder ran up his back as he wondered what else he had overlooked or forgotten. He partly withdrew the sword from its sheath to check that the blade was still there. He was worried that some mischievous sprite may have stolen the blade the night before, leaving just a handle in the sheath to fool him at some critical moment.

'Guchar Ramna Putarr' said Theo rolling the last r until it faded off his tongue. This was an ancient light spell that Princess Angela's godmother had taught him. The spell would activate and power a magical Light Ring that Theo had been given to wear by the godmother. With practice the light could last indefinitely, but to the inexperienced it would be short lived and tiring to use. Theo had practised it and although he could only create light for a limited period (due to his inaccuracy in pronouncing the final r's) he didn't feel too tired after using the spell. Theo felt much better now, with his Light Ring working some of his confidence returned to him and so he moved on, even deeper into the cave.

Chapter 4 - Nasty Little Things

There are some nasty little things to be found in caves. Trolls whose bridges have been swept away by violent storms often retire to caves and are usually of a very unfriendly disposition. Trogdilites who are throw backs of early man and worst of all Goblins. Goblins are horrid little creatures often a brown muddy or grey colour with big red eyes, who enjoy being really really nasty to anyone or anything that may come their way. StableDiffusion OpenVino

They especially like to eat little children and young girls whom they will cook over an open log fire until one side, and only one side is burnt. Then they munch their way through the unfortunate child eating it from the soft side leaving the crunchy bit, their favourite, until the end.

There was a particularly vicious community of goblins living in the caves that Theo was descending. They would go out at night and try to kidnap hapless travellers wondering near the mountain cave entrance who they would then feast on for the remainder of the night. When they couldn't find any travellers they would practise their evil little tricks on each other inflicting pain, amputation or quite often death on the recipient of the trick.

As Theo descended he began to feel increasingly uncomfortable as if someone or something was watching him, indeed there was. A couple of goblins on guard watch couldn't believe their luck, some fool was wondering right into their dining hall, what an idiot!

Theo noticed the increase in light but thought that maybe his spell was getting stronger. As he rounded a corner he couldn't believe his eyes. He was in a large opening in the mountain, a hall, perhaps the fabled hall of the mountain King. There were many little goblin bodies strewn around, lying on there backs snoring loudly, sometimes belching from the vast feast that must have been enjoyed by all judging from the amount of grease and bits of scrap food spread over the floor and most of the goblins.

'oh dear' thought Theo 'I must be very quiet or I'll be in real trouble.' Unbeknownst to him he already was.

Chapter 5 - Yummy Yummy

The 2 goblins on guard watched Theo intently. Greebo and Chumper were a typical pair of goblin chums. Each was loyal, fearless and totally faithful to HIMSELF! Each would happily cheat, maim or kill the other just for an extra mouthful of grub or a grain of gold.

'His right arm is mine to eat' crackled Greebo.
'Then the rest must be for me to eat' cackled Chumper, seizing the opportunity to be really greedy.
'Better not all, else his majesty your head will he have' pointed out Greebo.
'True enough, but catch him first must we, and if the biggest share for us, then us must catch him be' instructed Chumper.

Indeed it was true that the goblins actually catching someone were supposed to be given the biggest share. However, it rarely worked out that way, the biggest and most powerful goblins almost always got the biggest and the best bits, but one lives in hope.

Greebo and Chumper slowly moved towards Theo who was at this time carefully moving along the wall of the hall towards the obvious exit on the other side. Theo managed to make it to the exit without being seen but Chumper was far too excited and was making a chattering noise to himself, this in turn alerted other goblins that something was afoot.

As Theo entered the second tunnel to continue his decent he looked behind him only to see 2 disgusting pair of goblin eyes staring back at him. Greebo and Chumper looked at each other and licked their lips in anticipation of the coming feast. Then they looked behind them only to find even more goblin eyes starring with the same anticipation at what should have been their prize.

Chumper cried out 'Intruder Alert!' making sure that everyone knew that he had given the alarm, and the chase was on.

Chapter 6 - The Chase

Theo made a dash for the tunnel. Intense sounds of excited chattering and scuttling followed him. The noise grew louder and Theo thought that the disgusting creatures must be getting much nearer, perhaps they were faster than they looked. Of course most of the increase in noise was caused by the quickly swelling number of goblins that were now joining the chase through the tunnels.

Down and down, around and around they chased Theo who tried as hard as he could to either shake them off or out run them. Not knowing the layout of the tunnels made it impossible for Theo to accomplish a good escape and so he simply ran as fast as he could, being very careful not to fall. If he fell he was sure it would be all over, or more precisely, they would be all over him, a prospect he didn't relish.

The tunnels were very dark, only illuminated by the occasional torch the goblins placed to assist their eyes which were naturally accustomed to the dark. The Light Ring activated by the spell cast by Theo was fading fast and provided little light at this point. Left and right Theo turned, up and down, around and around. Theo followed the twisting, turning tunnels as best he could. When there was a fork he always tried to take the one going down or the coldest, either should move him away from the goblins, towards the dragon.

Theo slipped and fell, as he looked around he saw many little eager faces all looking forward to chewing their way through him. He withdrew the sword and started to flay it from side to side trying to fend off the goblins. It was pitch dark by now and Theo new his time was almost up. He couldn't see them but he knew the goblins were all around. He could feel their blows on the light body armour he wore. It was weakening, as was he. The battle was vicious, blood and bits of goblin everywhere. It was too dark, he needed light, if he was going down he would do it looking them in the eye.

'Guchar Ramna Putarrr' Theo said between swings of his blade. The spell was well cast, the Light Ring blazed into life and light shone brightly in rock that had never known such a concept. The dank dark grey tunnels burned with the light as did the eyes of the goblins. As mountain goblins hated bright light, they all screamed, the noise was unbelievable. They scattered and scrambled over each other in their desperate rush for cover and the dark. Theo dashed off in the opposite direction, the light following him, the goblins not.

He had managed to escape this time, but they'd be ready for this trick the next time, he'd have to beware.

Chapter 7 - The Fierce Dragon

The tunnel closed to a small aperture ahead impossible for Theo to squeeze through with all his amour on. Through the aperture he could see the dragon's cave exactly as the old man had described it, and far off in one corner, the dragon itself, fast asleep, perhaps for the last hundred years or more.

Theo quietly took the armour off and laid it on the ground. He squeezed through the hole and entered the dragon's cave. He could only see one head from this point in the cave but ahead of him and to one side of the dragon was the pool where the barrel of wine was resting. It was obviously part of an underground river system and Theo was sure the water would be extremely cold.

'What do I do now? I'm ready to dive for the wine, but should I tackle the dragon first. Maybe if I'm really quiet I won't even wake it' Theo thought to himself. He liked the last idea best and decided not to disturb the dragon, after all, it was probably having a nice dream and Theo wouldn't want to interrupt.

Quietly he moved towards the pool and placed his sword, shield and all his clothing except his briefs (he was very modest) behind a small rock for easy access but hiding them from inadvertent stares from the dragon. He left a heavy belt on to make his decent easier, when he found the barrel he would release the belt to ease is accent. He also carried a rope to tie to the barrel so he could haul it out of the water.

Kneeling by the side of the pool he reached out with a finger and placed it in the water, it was freezing, practically. Theo could almost feel the thin layer of ice that must forever be forming and melting on the exposed surface. The water was very cold but the cave was strangely warm, probably from the dragon's body heat, or maybe the occasional flames he would breathe out thought Theo.

He spread water all over his body to try and acclimatise himself and prepare for the shock of entering such cold water. Slowly, feet first he lowered himself into the pool. It was very cold and almost immediately his body began to shiver trying to produce extra heat. Theo would have to be quick so he started to breathe very deeply and quickly trying his best to oxygenate his blood. When he felt ready he took a final deep breath and dived.

The barrel of wine was supposed to be at the bottom of the pool directly under the largest stalactite. Diving from this point he descended quickly due to the extra weight of the belt and the now saturated rope. Theo was lucky, but he was always lucky, and immediately came across the barrel. There were 3 barrels that he could see, the Light Ring even worked under water, all 3 had the same markings so Theo tied the rope around one and began his accent. He forgot to take the belt off but it didn't seem to matter anyway.

On reaching the surface he crawled out of the pool, dropped the rope and made his way toward his clothes. As he dried himself he put on his tunic then reaching for his trousers he casually looked across at the dragon. It was gone. Theo reached for his sword and shield instead, just in time he looked up, there was the dragon towering over him.

Chapter 8 - The Talking Dragon

'Why does everything in this mountain want to eat me?' said Theo

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'How dare you try to steal my precious, wonderful wine. I suppose you'll be after my gold next' Theo had heard stories of dragons hoarding gold in their lairs but this dragon must have hidden it well for he had seen none.

'It just want a small flask of your wine for my Princess' replied Theo. He suddenly realised he should not have mentioned the Princess. You know what dragons are like with Princesses.

'Princess?' said the dragon 'A Princess, well bless your cotton sock you little morsel for my teeth, a Princess, I haven't eaten a Princess since', the dragon hesitated thinking back over a long life 'For centuries, I think. After I've finished with you I think I will have her for desert. Princesses are very sweet you know, very juicy, UM YUMMY' he finished with a roar.

'Excuse me?' started Theo 'But where are your other 2 heads, your supposed to have 3 but I can see only 1' he added trying to change the subject.

'Give me a break' replied the dragon '3 headed dragons went out along with peasants marrying Princesses'. A rather strange and prophetic choice Theo thought but decided not to mention that this had recently occurred, and to himself. 'I wouldn't believe all the rubbish you hear about us dragons'

'Can I have some of your wine, Sir?' asked Theo.

'It's a bit late now for politeness, you try to steal, then when you're caught you have the nerve to ask for your booty. Sorry my friend but you're dragon bait now' said the dragon with a big grin as his head lunged for Theo opened mouthed.

Chapter 9 - Death or Glory

Theo rolled to one side and as he came up onto his feet automatically raised the shield. The intense lessons he had been given on how to be Prince seemed to include a lot of fighting, but that didn't bother Theo and it was saving his life now.

The dragon's head smashed into Theo's shield and sent him flying several feet across the cave. Theo wouldn't stand and take any more hits like that, he would never survive he told himself.

As he ducked and dived, running first one way then another, never predictably, always making sharp movements Theo tried to manoeuvre himself into a striking position to slash the dragon's head.

Theo had seen no flames as yet but the dragon's quickest weapon was his tail. As it swung around it caught the back of the shield and ripped it out of his hands.

The dragon's tail swung around violently, catching Theo on the back of the hand. The sword flew out of his hand and skidded across the cave floor. As Theo began to run for it the tail came round the other way, knocking Theo back against the wall of the cave dazing him. The contents of his pockets spilled to the ground from the force of the impact, including a likeness he had of the Princess Angela which he always carried over his heart.

The dragon was looming towards him now, open mouthed. His luck had finally run out. Too stunned to move and barley able to see clearly he reached out for the likeness to see his beautiful Angela for one last time before his life would be over, but even this failed as the dragon knocked his had to one side and took the likeness up to view it.

'Is this your precious Princess?' said the dragon holding out the picture of Angela so Theo could see her for one last time. 'Let's have a look, if I like her I might eat her too.' he added turning the picture so he could gaze upon it, and gaze he did.

Chapter 10 - The Enchantment

The moments passed, his head was spinning less now, he was regaining his balance and the feeling to his legs. Why was he still alive. He shook his head. His eyes darted between the dragon and his sword which lay some distance behind the large creature before him. The dragon seemed to have ceased his advance and was looking at the picture of Angela.

As Theo regained his composure he realised the dragon was in some sort of trance. His head was swinging very slightly and slowly from side to side and his eyes were fixed on the likeness of Angela. It didn't seem to blink and it's breathing had all but vanished. What was it doing? Theo decided to take advantage of this lapse in concentration and slowly began to move to one side until he had a clear run for his sword. He began to move slowly, very slowly towards the sword, ready to break into a charge at the first signs of attention from the dragon. It made no such signs and Theo reached his sword.

Theo charged at the distracted dragon coming up along side and heaved the sword far over his head ready to slash down on the dragon's neck. But now he hesitated too. The dragon seemed to be hypnotised, it was paying no attention to him, it was actually cooing to itself while looking at the picture of Angela. This was very strange behaviour indeed. Could the dragon have fallen in love with his Angela? Why not, he had done that himself.

Theo decided that any dragon that had such good taste couldn't possibly be all bad. He saw himself in the dragon as he was when he first saw Angela, only he was now playing the part of the evil Baron Van Merc.

'She's lovely' said the dragon
'She is' replied Theo 'What do we do now?' he had always been a very impatient young man and wanted to get things over with, one way or the other.
'Does she love you?' asked the dragon.
'Yes, we were married only 112 days ago' Theo counted the days.
'That's beautiful' mused the dragon.

Theo thought this was very strange behaviour from a fierce dragon and decided to investigate.

'Aren't you supposed to be mean and horrible?' he asked.
'Why shouldn't I be' replied the dragon 'I've been stuck in this cave since that wicked old wizard sealed me in here and quenched my flames. With only rock around I couldn't restart my fire and I cannot open the cave entrance enough to get out, a spell prevents me from touching that rock.'
'The wine?'
'That belongs to the wizard, he put me down here to protect it, he's probably dead by now but I'm still stuck down here'

'You're not a bad dragon at all, you've just been led astray, forced into a life of meaningless violence and terrible isolation, I'm sorry.'
'That's OK, it's been years since anyone has bothered to come down here and steal the wine. Knights of old used to make the trip quite often, but since those disgusting goblins moved in upstairs nobody comes round anymore. I enjoyed our little battle and I didn't mean to hurt you'
'Me too' replied Theo hiding the fact that he'd been terrified for most of it and had received some very nasty blows.
'So you can't breathe fire anymore and you're stuck down here, maybe I can help' Theo said. 'Help me get the barrel of wine up.'
'That's nice, I decide not to eat you and you still want to steal my wine, that's gratitude for you.'
'No, I have an idea.' for an ex-peasant Theo could be quite intelligent at times.

Together they pulled up the barrel Theo had tied the rope to out of the pool. Theo dressed while the dragon strained the rope as he had been directed to by the strangely helpful young man. He was beginning to like the human and remembered how some of the knights had been very polite, before they tried to cut off his head.

The rope was almost dry now, but the young man did something very strange. He started to pour wine over the rope.

'What are you doing, you're wasting that wonderful wine, are you crazy!' cried out the dragon.
'No, I'm going to help you get out of this cave, and then WE are getting out from under this mountain'

Theo took out some flint and tinder from his utility pouch. He began to strike it at the rope which he had soaked in the highly alcoholic wine. It worked, the rope caught fire.

'Here, drink some of the wine, quickly!' said Theo directing the dragon to the barrel. It did so. The rope was burning well now and the dragon seemed transfixed by the flames, his eyes open wide. 'Now EAT' ordered Theo. The dragon didn't have to be asked twice, it understood now. The burning rope would re-ignite his flames, after all these years.

It was a wonderful sensation as the rope went down his throat. The warmth of the flames, the tingling, the beautiful sensation of flames dancing on his tongue and down his throat. Then came a rumbling, some smoke, a hiccup, a belch, a louder belch. The dragon's neck shot straight up, smoke poured out of its nostrils and as it opened its mouth even more smoke filled the cave.

Theo started to back away, worried at what might be happening. The dragon was heaving too and fro with strange banging noises coming from its stomach. It grabbed the flint Theo had used to ignite the rope and gulped it down. The dragon shut his eyes tight, his belly moved up and down in a strange manner then the dragon opened its eyes wide, took a deep breath and screamed. As it did so he threw his neck forward and flames shot out of its mouth blasting straight across the cave scorching the walls far to the other side.

'Yes Yes I can breathe fire again!' cried the dragon with joy, 'thank you, thank you, YESSSS!' The dragon was ecstatic, it had been many centuries since he could breathe fire and he was very grateful to the young man.

Theo filled his flask made of pig skin with some of the wine, he also filled a terra- cotta pot which he found lying conveniently around, probably left by one of the knights.

Chapter 11 - The Team Escapes

The dragon looked intently at the little hole in the wall which the young man had used to gain entrance into the cave and was the only gap the wizard had left so that he could occasionally come and taste his wine.

The dragon took a deep breath, a very deep breath, his belly swelled, Theo quickly dived for cover behind a rock.

The dragon roared fire at his rock nemesis which had held him prisoner here for centuries. There was an intense heat as the backwash of flames filled the cave and Theo felt his clothes drying very rapidly, soon they would begin to smoulder. When would it end? It did and slowly Theo looked up from cover, worried the dragon would flame again. There was no need, after all these years the dragon showed the rocks no mercy. He had melted a huge hole in the cave wall where there once was only a tiny entrance hole. Incredible. The tunnel leading out of the mountain was clearly visible.

'FREE, FREE AT LAST!' yelled that dragon at the top of his voice and Theo had to cover his head to stop his ears from bursting from the enormous pressure created by the dragon's huge roar. The dragon turned to Theo and said 'Let's get out of here friend.'

The dragon rushed up the tunnel, Theo tried to gather as many of his possessions together as he could and quickly ran behind.

The goblins were waiting, they knew the human would have to come their way if he was to escape the dragon, which they never dared to bother, so they waited. They were about to receive a big surprise.

As the goblins jumped out to capture the human at least 10 of them were immediately squashed under the dragon's quickly pounding feet. Nothing was going to stop the dragon from escape. He spat fire in all directions frying many goblins to a crisp, and roared with laughter at the thought of what he was doing. Looking back at Theo he said 'I haven't had this much fun since I can't remember when'. He then turned back and fried another couple of goblins, squashed 3 with his right foot and splattered some more against the tunnel walls with his tail.

The dragon paused in the great hall, 'This used to be my home before the wizard imprisoned me below, look what they've done to my beautiful cave.' It was indeed a mess. 'Look out friend' said the dragon and proceeded to burn everything in sight including many unfortunate goblins that could not get out of the way quick enough.

Soon they reached the cave entrance. Again the dragon paused. 'Daylight' he said in awe. Slowly he stretched his neck outside, his eyes squinting and blinking in the strong daylight he had not seen for so long. He stepped out, first one foot, then another, and another and another. He was outside. He breathed deeply tasting the sweet scent of fresh air that only outside, and especially a forest can produce. It was beautiful.

As the Sun warmed the dragon's back a miraculous transformation began. After centuries of inactivity the dragon's wings had dried into an unnoticeable layer lining the dragon's back but now with fresh air passing through his lungs, the Sun to warm his back, space to stretch out and fires burning within, finally his wings came back to life.

Theo was amazed at the sight of the slow metamorphosis. The wings were now fully deployed, flapping slowly as if to test their resilience.

Theo asked 'How do you fly with such small and delicate wings'
'My wings are only used for guidance and for fine control, most of my lift comes from the hot air in my stomach'
'You're a living hot air balloon' stated Theo in amazement.
'Of course, how else did you think dragons fly, magic or something' replied the dragon
'Well' mumbled Theo
'You humans really are so gullible, magic flight, 3 heads, I bet you even believed that my heads could grow back'
'Well' Theo mumbled again, slightly embarrassed at his gullibility.
'What is your name human?'
'I'm Theo, ex-carpenter now Prince'
'Well Theo, ex-carpenter now Prince, I'm...' and the dragon made a totally unpronounceable sound. So totally strange that it cannot be represented by any know alphabet.
'Pardon?'
'Most humans call me Oh-Hodar, and I swear for what you have done for me this day I will serve you as a loyal and true friend until the day you or I die, whichever comes first.'
'That's, er, very nice of you', replied Theo wondering why the dragon had been so precise as to the termination of the friendship, perhaps it was a dragon thing.
'Now get on my back, in front of my wings and hold on tight. It's time to FLY!' said the dragon with a lift in his voice.

Theo released his horse to find its own way home and climbed on good dragon's back.

Chapter 12 - The Triumphant Return

With the dragon as company it was a much quicker journey back to the Royal Castle where his beautiful Princess would be waiting faithfully for his return. Theo directed the dragon and the flight was swift. They decided to land some way from the castle. It had been a long time since anyone had actually seen a dragon (more than one lifetime ago) and so Theo and Oh-Hodar had decided to play it safe and walk in. Better a slow entrance as heroes than to be shot down as invaders by the palace guards.

As they approached the castle more and more locals heard of the wondrous coming of a dragon and started to turn up at the side of the road to watch the 2 travellers pass by. As the populous realised that their new Prince had returned cheering and merry making began at the side of the road. Soon the 2 travellers where at the castle gates.

'Open up, Prince Theo has returned' shouted Theo regally at the guards.
'You're not bringing that over grown lizard in here your most royal and noble highness?' one of the guards inquired.
'Why not?' replied Theo, momentarily forgetting he was now a Prince and could easily order the gates open. There were still some peasant good manners left in him.
'We've just swept the yard of all the horse droppings, we don't want a dragon messing it up again!' replied a guard who was too stupid for words.
Dragon Oh-Hodar let out a short but very impressive burst of fire directed near but not directly at the guards.
'OK, OK, we'll open up immediately your highness'
'Excellent service' said Theo grinning at Oh-Hodar.
'Darling' shouted Princess Angela running towards Theo with open arms, 'did you get my wine?'
'Yes, my love' replied Theo opening his own arms ready to embrace his beloved.

His arms remained empty, the Princess had stopped short of Theo and was looking at the dragon in a very disapproving manner.

'And what my I ask is this?' asked the Princess in a fake questioning tone.
'This is my good friend Oh-Hodar, he's a dragon'
'You don't say, and what happened to the horse we gave you, trade it in? We don't allow dragons in the castle, never have done.'

Theo was rather upset at this rebuke. What was wrong, why was Angela behaving so strangely? Theo looked at the dragon. He was rather big, scaly, messy, and to be fair he smelt rather bad, but he was a good dragon.

'Look here chick' Theo momentarily slipped back to his old ways but then remembered himself and started again, 'My darling Angela, I have brought for you a wondrous wine so sweet and delightful that countless knights have risked their lives to retrieve it for their lady. And here I am, the first to succeed' (this was not actually true but Theo was trying to impress not educate) 'and retrieve this booty for you my darling wife, light of my life, my only reason for living....' Theo looked lovingly into Angela's eyes.

She squinted at him, then frowned and tilted her head to one side. She was obviously in deep thought.

'Let's go inside and talk' said the Princess.
'Talk?' thought Theo to himself.
'Captain of the Guard' cried Theo
'Sir' came the immediate reply.
'See to it that my friend the dragon is well fed and given a bed for the night, he will direct you'
'Yes your royal highness' said the Captain looking rather hesitantly at the dragon. If it wasn't for the fact that Theo had obviously defeated the dragon in mortal combat , or so guards believed, they would probably be cursing Theo right now as some stupid peasant but fortunately for him everybody was suitably impressed by his daring deed not to argue with him too much. Everyone except the Princess.

'Look Angela, I've never said anything about your 2 dogs or 2 cats' pointed out Theo
'That's because you like them. Don't try to use them as an excuse. I don't want a dragon in the castle, and anyway what happened to his other 2 heads'

Theo ignored the remark about the heads and replied 'Oh, go on, just think of the advantages. Always a warm castle, nobody attacking us, lots of advantages'

The conversation continued to and fro for sometime until and agreement was reached that the dragon could stay for a 2 week trial period. Things were beginning to look good again.

'Now let's try that wine'. Angela placed a cup of the wine to her beautiful red lips and sipped it delicately, then spat it out. 'It's disgusting!'

Theo tried it, indeed it was disgusting. It had sadly become polluted from centuries of sitting at the bottom of the pool and was stale, sour and slightly slimy.

Tale of the Dragon's Wine

Chapter 1 - The Finest Wine